Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Randomize
