you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
