I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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