Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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