You work out of a Hotel?
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
