He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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