she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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