I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
