the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Just pee around me
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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