no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
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