If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
