Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I just found a bag of teeth...
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
