dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
