I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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