test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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