the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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