I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
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