I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
