hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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