Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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