Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
