How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
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