Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
