Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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