he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Randomize
