what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
the raccoons are back...
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