Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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