I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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