it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
