When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
