At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
