I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
