I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Randomize
