Ambien. No doubt about it.
I skipped work to stalk him.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
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