Ambien. No doubt about it.
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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