The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
