I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Randomize
