A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Randomize
