Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Be still, my beating vagina.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
