he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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