You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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