i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I look better un-naked...
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
