i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
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