its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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