you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Randomize