dude i'm inner monologue high
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
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