I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
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