he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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