K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
