a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Randomize
