she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
