Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
And then my night got REAL pukey
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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