That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
