He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
