First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
