Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Randomize
