Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I got inside last night via doggy door
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
