she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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