I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
