I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
