True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
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Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
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it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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