I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
