Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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