margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
