He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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