is your mom at the bar?
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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