also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I love how my cats smell like pot.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
