the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Why are your pants in the freezer?
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