Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
