i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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