her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
