he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
