He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
