ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I woke up under a house in Key West
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
