"it" just moved
Only a mothe r could love this liver
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
