I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
