I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
no you cant smoke seaweed
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
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If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
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Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
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