TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
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Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
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Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize