She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
