You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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