If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Randomize
