I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
