so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
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