Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
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Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
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Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
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