he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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